I am retarted, I mean more like handicapped, when it comes to few last weeks of classes. It’s not like I wanted it to be or do it purposely. I just love to miss classes when it comes to 2 or 3 weeks before exams. To be honest, I don’t feel guilty by betraying manifesto that I always do in early each semester . Yup, like we usually do with over-confident statement like “I-will-not-miss-class-this-semester manifesto“. But it always fade away, after pile of assignments and pile of tests…and then it doesn’t matter anymore. And I am happy, because I’m not gonna fail any subject this semester. Again, over-confident statement, but this time it’s carefully evaluated.

What I’m trying to accomplish is just stay with my current mood. Ups, I also have another presentation coming up next week and that I will give my best on. Other than that, I’m just looking-around-fooling-around with myself.

Actually I have pretty heavy topic to write for my blog today, but my lack of confidence put me in a state which I decided to do research before I present it to the readers.

One question though….why is it important in Indonesia to notice someone’s religion/belief, especially by asking someone who has nothing to do with it?

…………….

………….

……

Curhat aja deh…tanggung.

few days ago, di tempat kerja cew gw di Jkt. Sebuat accounting firm yang didominasi oleh orang “kita” (sarcasm) atau lebih tepatnya orang Muslim. Cew gw sendiri Catholic Chinese. Dari sekelumit percakapan:

si A: Cow loe agama apa, Ver?

cew gw: Islam

si A: Ga pengen sholat bareng, Ver?

cew gw: ……………………..(terdiam..tercengang)

Selama 6 tahun pacaran, bukan pertama kali ini aja orang lain bersetubuh dengan keyakinan kami dan berusaha untuk intervensi-kasat-mata di dalamnya. Kadang ada yang kasar dan kadang ada yg lembut. Dan to be honest, gw dan doi sama sekali ga suka. Bukan apa, for me myself, Islam adalah background moral dan nilai-nilai kehidupan, walau gw bukan a Muslim practical. Dan doi adalah seorang observant Catholic yang ke gereja setiap minggu dan berdoa setiap hari (untuk illustrasi). Komitmen kami buat menjalani keyakinan masing2 selalu berjalan baik. Mungkin naif kalau kami berpikir orang lain tidak akan bertanya-tanya tentang keyakinan kami yang berbeda. Pertanyaan yang masih bisa gw tolerir biasanya seperti:

“lho, beda agama ga susah?”

“Kalian sudah serius dengan menjalani perbedaan agama ini?”

“Ntar gimana nikahnya ?”

Ini pertanyaan yang biasa gw dan doi akan jawab klise “kita masih blom tau mau gimana, masih lama kok ngorom undangannya” hohoho. And it’s true. long way ahead. Tapi, gw dan doi ga bisa terima dan sama sekali muak dengan statement aneh , seperti:

“ga pengen coba masuk Islam, Ver?”

“ga pengen sholat bareng, Ver?”

“Semua agama itu sama kok, Ger.” ==> translate masuk Katolik jg gpp.

“ga takut dosa, Ger?”

Ignorant dan sama sekali tidak memiliki empati. Apakah beragama itu menjadikan suatu agama itu eksklusif dan memberi hak bagi orang untuk seenaknya mengisyaratkan pindah agama? I think God give us a lot of choices of religion for this kind of reason. Toleransi itu sudah langka, let alone menghargai.

Kembali ke cew gw yang ditembak dengan statement tak bertanggung jawab tersebut, kemudian sms ke gw tentang arogansi co-worker nya. Gw sms balik..

“bilang aja kalo si gerry juga ga mau disuruh doa rosario bareng. Jadi impas deh.”

Awalnya gw dulu ga ngerti kenapa manusia itu cenderung terkotak-kotak dalam kumpulan sosial, entah itu sama agama atau sama ras. Mungkin ini sebabnya

Letih….

Tiba-tiba otak gw kok seger yah? jadi pengen nulis sedikit…

Topik kali ini diinspirasi dari novel Sir Arthur Conan Doyle dari sang karakter utamanya, Sherlock Holmes. Gw ingat di salah satu novelnya, Sherlock ngobrol ma Mr.Watson bahwa dia suka sekali tenggelam dalam sel otaknya yang abu-abu. Kok abu-abu? gw jg ga ngerti namanya jg novel. Tp yg penting sejak itu, gw selalu menganggap bahwa otak dimana kita menyimpan memori dan ide itu warnanya abu-abu. Bukannya merah seperti di dalam buku biologi.

Bagaimana kalo otak itu bukan hanya sekedar segumpal jaringan-jaringan nyaris bulat, tapi lebih menyerupai ruangan dengan kita di dalamnya? Warnanya tetap abu-abu, tp di-upgrade dengan menyerupai ruangan baca, dengan banyak buku, sebuah kursi dan sebuah meja. Ingatan-ingatan kita di-ilustrasikan dengan buku-buku dan catatan dalam rak-rak yg tinggi. Ingatan penting mungkin bukunya masih bagus dan rapi, dengan catatan2 kecil, sebaliknya kalo ingatan ga penting ato yg bisa gampang lupa cuma ditulis dalam kertas2 dan berserakan. Kalo dipikir-pikir mungkin Grey Chamber gw isinya penuh ma kertas A4 berserakan dimana-mana…gw sering lupa, so….

to be continued….

Are they kiddin me?
Weigh the anchor
It’s done…It’s passed by
Adrenaline rush
Momentary losses
Temporary fears

Dark is callin
“My home….!!”
So the Red Sail
Never come about

Red is my blood
heavy stream
my sleepin medley
I can forgive
I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
haha

-gerry-

NB: Rusak mood pagi hari gara-gara telpon satu aja….annjjjiiingggg!!!!!!

Man, I should be given a medal for my sleep habit here…and still, 2 hours from now, will be at basketball court. I made a promise. Moga-moga aja si Adi ma yg laen ga ketiduran…bisa nangis gw kalo mereka ga ada di lapangan.

Gw beli buku tadi siang di Pyramid, kayanya cukup berisi. What are people thinkin actually? I really wanna know. Does Marxism still workin in this world? This book more likely tell about how – i call it – New Renaissance crush Marxism. One thing in my mind, is there any New Napoleon out there?

Superman…….
gw pengen bisa berada di 2 tempat yang berbeda dalam waktu bersamaan. Melakukan hal-hal di luar akal sehat, tanpa perlu melawan makhluk super lainnya. Cukup mengumpulkan minyak tumpah dari kilang, menyedot lumpurnya Lapindo, meruntuhkan gedung tua, melapisi kembali ozon atau lainnya.
gw pengen jadi SUperman, yang bukan superhero….cukup jadi superhuman.

Angin……
melantunkan bunyi dan membelai daun, tanpa ditanyai macam-macam. Siapa yang pernah mengeluh dan mempertanyakan sang angin? Dia merusak, mengangkat, berhembus, mendorong…tanpa ditanyai orang lain. gw cuma pengen jadi orang yang bisa berbuat apa saja tanpa ditanyai alasan. Kalau bertanya “buat apa angin berhembus?”…bukankah itu pertanyaan bodoh?

Jam weker….
tidur mampus, konstan tapi bikin orang bete di pagi hari.

Air, tapi bukan darah…..
mengalir fleksibel, tanpa perlu dipompa.

Batu….
diam, tapi dilewati oleh banyak orang. Ini mimpi gw, dilintasi karakter…dilintasi wangi…dilintasi pemikiran. Menjadi batu adalah mimpi orang-orang yang suka mengamati “serangga”, tapi tidak mau “disengat”…..

Karna mempertanyakan tujuan adalah krusial dan tabu.

Can’t u see it?

NB: tulisan diatas dibuat dengan gemetaran…..excited…..ketakutan……terjebak……..but will never free, til u know u re free

I’ve made my journey
Thou abyss and “Luci” do
sip in the middle of nowhere
host by spirit
sound like an angel
“here is your path”
“you should choose”
“now, you lost”

Who said there is no wine in hell?
Who said there is fire in hell?
Who said there is white in heaven?
Who said angels are singing in hell?
I have my own paradise
My third-eye
not blind

I have no doubt that there is a princely garden
Afterlife
Created in heaven?
I said
What the hell?

- Gerry -

I don’t care if there is Hell or Heaven. How about judgement day? I’ll say “just be positive, even though we are not electron”

I suppose nobody wanna hear me whining all over the place about what’s wrong with everything. If you a good listener, what are you about to witness is more likely will be beyond your imagination. I have a very long list to complain about, and not even single of it has anything to do with my own life. Let me get it straight, I have a perfect life and promising day ahead of me.

The question will be “why should I complain about everything?”. A little brief of myself, I am more likely a easy-come-easy-go person. I barely have guts to complain with anybody around me, scared of dragging them off with me.

When everything get upper-handed, let me write something. I would like to send a letter to Supreme Being or God upstairs who I believe existed. Since I am an agnostic, I don’t have any particular name for Him. I don’t know how much is it cost, but still…let me write.

Dear God,
I know You’ve been busy all this time, and have no reason to even listen to a low-life like me. But lend me some of Your time, and read my letter and feel the grief I attached in here.

First of all, how is it goin? Everything have been quite rough lately, huh? I don’t know what kind of media information do You have there, I am sure you had noticed (or one of your messenger had told you) about everything going on here.

God, It’s messed up down here, and everybody are crying. In case you haven’t noticed yet, the war never stop, God. Even though we, humankind, already told about Cain and Abel as the foundation of hatred…but still, we can’t accept this. Nobody want to get hurt or see anybody else get hurt. When we think that everything is getting better, something else is coming up at another place. I don’t understand anything about what they called politic, but they have already goin too far. I can smell blood, hatred, rage and revenge everywhere around this world, which I don’t understand. I just don’t get it, but still I am a mere human with no different than others.

Talking about differences, I am glad that we were born with significant differences. I can’t imagine if we are all the same. I don’t want other peoples are just like me, as others don’t want to be just like me. I love tea and some others love coffee, that how should it works. It must be planned far before you created human kind, I give you the biggest creadit for this. Know what? I’ve been going out with a girl, who totally different with me and I admire her with all the differences. And amazingly, so does she..I am not the one who love differences.

But plz, just make one similarity between others. Make them understand Your plan, make them really appriciate differences, make them enjoy differences. Because that’s not what happened lately. People blame each other, threaten each other, kill each other, all because differences. I don’t really understant which one, but it must be between race, religious, political way of thinkin…name it. Everything have their own way to be solved without any hardship or foolish fight, rite God? They don’t understand.

I am not saying all the people are bad or narrow-minded. Some of them are really care about each other, they help, they lend their hand, they send their support for the name of humanity. But it’s never enough, always someone somewhere need something. I feel really ashame to not able helping with this tiny hands, but someday I hope I could.

I still have alot to say to You, but I don’t want to waste Your time. It’s just a thought, in case You are giving us a test, it’s just too hard and awfully getting worse and worse. And for now and then, we might keep a low grade or even failed You.

Yours Forever,
Gerry

Get me a mailman, Now!!

What is hypocrisy? and why people tend to let themselves to be one, but deny it. What kind of situation will hiprocrisy will be suited best ? In order to be a better world, is it necessary to be a hypocryte? By reviewing in certain way, I declare myself as a hypocrite.

Hypocrite is a person who act differently with their own beliefs. For what I’ve seen and felt, people are not robot, which had been set to do particular things for any particular situation. In some way, human tend to amuse or satisfy what had publicly approved.

Just for an example:
” 4 people are going together to see a carnival, 3 of them are more likely to ride jet coaster. To satisfy the others and avoid unnecessary argument, the last person will try to forget to go for merry-go-round and join the others.”

The foundation of civilizations were base on the ability to question any issues which felt not true or need to be reviewed.

Let’s forget about civilization and join me in our daily life. Have you lie to others? or at least you lie for the sake of others? or you save your opinion for the sake of others? Some of them are called liar and others are called tolerant person. I am a big liar and also a tolerant person. The difference between these two are:

• Liar cannot be helped
• Tolerant person is not helping
• Liar tend to save their own ass
• Tolerant person tend to save others, at least not hurt others

Beside pile of assignments (all due this week), which prevent me from blogging, even blogwalking. The last few days were quite rough for me and some of it pull me to the edge. This quite personal which I won’t describe it here, but I’ve made decisions for the sake of myself.

I’ll stop being tolerant, both in daily life and in blogosphere.

Blogging Manifesto:
1. fully use my right to write as blogger to express my feeling, personally or as member of society.
2. criticize respectfully anything with my own standard of value.
3. responsible with anything I’ve said publicly
4. appriciate any comment and critic which told in decent manner
5. pay more attention to others property of rights (ex: link )

NB: I’m just few more steps to be exploded and I’m happy. To be a people’s person is a weakness

hikss…lagi kangen-kangennya nih ma cew gw. Memang kalo minggu pertama itu paling berat. Apalagi kalo liat temen gw yg cew nya pada disini. Sedangkan gw harus nunggu setahun dari sekarang lagi buat ketemu. Tadi doi nelp, bilang kalo dia dah bisa terima gw yang balik ke Malay lebih cepat dari biasanya. “Belajar yg rajin ya syg…” hehe ya deeehhh..agak tenang jg gw, kalo dia udah bisa ga terlalu kangen ma gw.

Tapi selain di sayang2 in, gw jg diomelin. Soalnya seminggu lalu gw disuruh nanya ma Ganda (adek gw) tentang buku tahunan SMU Don Bosco yg dipinjam dari Sari, adek nya cew gw. Kebetulan mereka jg satu angkatan. Tapi yg dasarnya gw lupa-lupa terus, ga jadi-jadi deh nanya nya huehehe ntar gw tanyain deh…janji

Lagi dengar lagu Disturbed, judul nya I’m Alive. Meski lagunya gedebak-gedebuk, gw ngerti isi lagu ini. Intinya tentang orang yg ga mau kehilangan sesuatu yg berharga, karna sesuatu itu bikin dia bertahan hidup. Jadi ingat loe lg, syg. Grrrrr……

Nih lyric-nya:

“I’m Alive”

Never again will I be dishonored
And never again will I be reminded
Of living within the world of the jaded
They kill inspiration
It’s my obligation
To never again, allow this to happen
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
Denying the sin
My art, my redemption
I carry the torch of my fathers before me

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I’d rather die
Though they will not understand
I will make the greatest sacrifice
You can’t predict where the outcome lies
You’ll never take me alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

Change again, cannot be considered
I rage again, dispelling my anger
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
My art, my redemption, my only salvation
I carry the gift that I have been blessed with
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created
I am not alone, brothers, give me your arms now

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I’d rather die
Though they will not understand
I will make the greatest sacrifice
You can’t predict where the outcome lies
You’ll never take me alive

I’m no slave
Are you feeling brave?
Or have you gone out of your mind?
No more games
It won’t feel the same
If I hold my anger inside
There’s no meaning
My soul is bleeding
I’ve had enough of your kind
One suggestion, use your discretion
Before you label me blind

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I’d rather die
Though they will not understand
I will make the greatest sacrifice
You can’t predict where the outcome lies
You’ll never take me alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

by: Disturbed

buat sementara waktu gw terdiam, lupa kalo gw bernapas atau bernyawa. Fade to Black-nya Metallica memang benar kadang2 bikin orang mau bunuh diri. I should be happy by now, ga ada pikiran, beban atau bahkan masalah seperti semester lalu. Kenapa?

——————

Kalo dipikir-pikir gw ini ga pernah dalam path yang benar, ga pernah dalam mood yang sesuai dan pasti. Coba kalo gw bisa jadi orang lain, optimis memandang hidup dan selalu dalam determinasi yang penuh. Tapi kenapa gw selalu seperti tersesat? Tersesat bukan dalam konteks event atau apa. Gw selalu tersesat dalam pikiran gw sendiri, mencari sesuatu yang mungkin ga ada. Kalau saja ada yang memberi tahu. Mungkin benar kata Eva Fairy, dimanakah surga itu? Mungkin kalo kita tau ada taman nirwana yang menanti kita, ga akan umat manusia diletakkan di neraka yang namanya dunia ini. Tapi tidak, gw sendiri menikmati hidup gw yang ga beraturan seperti ini. Gw ga tau hidup gw seperti apa nantinya, syukurlah orang tua gw ga pernah maksa supaya gw harus jadi clone mereka. Thanks for both of you, greatest parents in the world.

—————-

Sayang, kalo baca potingan ini jangan marah2 yah. Yang namanya Gerry kalo udah jam segini tau kan? ga ada bedanya ma loe hehe. Gw cuma mo nulis2 aja kok, meski gw tau loe ga mau gw nulis yg kaya gini, but I’m okay. Gerry selalu okay, ga pernah ngeluh kecuali ma loe. Love u. Btw, gw dah ga bisa nunggu lagi buat pulang nih, udah kangen ma harum rambut loe. See? I miss you a lot 2….

—————-

Gw nulis yang ga jelas, dan sekarang ga tau mau bikin judulnya apa…..

—————

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..*God..why?*